Honestly? Nothing.

It has been a crazy week. I had such a nice weekend, and we came home to terrible news...Magnolia and Max's principal died on Saturday. He had been ill, but had been in recovery, and we kept hearing that he was coming back soon. I worked with him a lot over the last year, we had many long conversations, and he was so thankful to have a new breed of parents on the PTA. He was only 59 and left behind his wife, his 13 year old daughter, and his 14 year old son. It is overwhelming to consider how suddenly everything can be taken away. My experience with my aunt in the beginning of the year helped to prepare me for the alarming reality death is. I don't know whether it is easier or harder, but I feel prepared, in a way. I actually think I may have been expecting it...even though all prognoses were good. The Salinas Sixth Sense? Well, I never thought I had it, but maybe I do...

I have been so angry this week for a variety of reasons, there has been so much deceit, hypocrisy, and badmouthing...and I am not just talking about the election. I feel quite helpless when it comes to this kind of behaviour...it makes me curl up in a ball (metaphorically) and become that little kid who got beat up on all the time by the stupid rich white catholic kids at her stupid, rich, white, Catholic school. Except that I am not. Through the adversity I was shown and what I had to overcome, I am scarred, but strong. And I am lucky. For all that has befallen me in my life, I have so much to be thankful for. So if I could just manage to get myself out of bed for more than a couple of hours, and off of the computer for enough time to feel actual productivity again, that would be fantastic. But for now, I need to accept it. Accept that in this world there is deceit, hypocrisy, and badmouthing...and even things that are worse. And in this world, there are significantly more things to be concerned about than what the president of the PTA thinks of me cause I called her out on her inability to understand a basic conversation. But all that may have to wait until after coffee.

Vegas, Grandma, Vegas!

Ok, it should be Abuelita, it should be noted...but eh.

My grandma's favorite place in the world is Las Vegas. She loves to gamble, loves loves loves the quarter slots. Doesn't even care when they take all her money away, as long as she can hold on to it long enough to get through the weekend. I had to drag her back into the room at 3 am on Friday night, and 2 on Saturday. She would have kept going too...

And here's the thing. She lost her daughter this year, her daughter/best friend/only friend/confidant/basically spouse. She cries more than she smiles now. But we just spent about 48 hours together where she laughed more than cried. Where we laughed together, each time that the machine graced us with 5 extra quarters, even if we had just put in 6...laughed at my mom and cousin when they drank too much, laughed at the girls with their fancy shoes off by midnight, laughed at the casino for creating such a maze we couldn't even find the bathroom...just laughed. And wow, was it so worth it.

Even with the time away from Michael and the kids after he just returned from a week in Hong Kong...even with coming home to a pile of laundry to fold that has completely swallowed my couch...even with the memories of my aunt which haunted me all of last week as we arrived at the 7 month anniversary of her death. Worth every single part. And not just because some of those memories were of how I held her hand as she wondered about whether or not she was going to die, with me not having the heart to tell her what I knew to be true (and then eventually finding that strength)...and how I promised her I would take care of Lita when she went...but it while it may have been a sense of duty that got me to take advantage of the free-ish weekend, that wasn't what brought on the laughter. And I am so so so thankful for the laughter.