yeah, ok, fine

I am supposed to be going to Seattle tonight. Just me. No husband, no kids, no real reason...just a trip cause I have lots of friends there I've promised repeatedly to visit, and the fares were cheap. Of course, this makes me feel incredibly, incredibly selfish and guilty. I don't do well with selfish. I have a couple things I do that could be construed as entirely for me and even fall within the realm of being selfish, but they are, for the most part, private, free, and don't take up a lot of time. This trip is none of those things.

Yesterday was a banner day of issues. My Driver's license expired about a week and a half ago, and the new one hasn't arrived. Yesterday I realized this would be an issue getting on an airplane (and possibly paying for things). No problem, I'll use my passport, I thought. Except it wasn't in the passport place. Panic ensues, but I have errands to run, so Michael promises to look when he comes home for lunch and he finds it. The passport had jumped out of it's proper drawer and was residing against the back wall of the cabinet underneath it's proper home. Great. Except it expired. 18 months ago. *gulp* Ok, we call the airline and determine that if I allow extra time for searching, I should be ok. 2 different friends echoed this sentiment via IM, so I was ok, but not great...so I went to the DMV to get a temp printout, which shockingly only took 40 minutes and wasn't entirely unpleasant.

Woohoo! We're back on! Until this morning. Max woke up with a nasty, croupy cough. The sort he gets about 2ce a year. He is due, but REALLY? NOW? I know the drill...he's gonna be mellow but ok all day, but tonight (when he's supposed to be at my mom's) he's gonna be up coughing all night and miserable. This won't do. What's a mother to do? Cancel the trip, of course. Brief moment of tears, but really, there isn't a choice in the matter...so I call my mom and tell her. Her headache is so overwhelming, she is ok with it...which of course makes me more annoyed, but then feel guilty over being annoyed. UGH, guilt. I call Michael, he's in a meeting. UGH UGH UGH. So I tweet...not ready to admit defeat on FB yet. When I finally get a hold of him, it's via IM, and he tells me that I'm being ridiculous and I need to go anyway. After much back and forth and more tears, he convinces me, we work out a new plan and so I'm going again. Of course, I've stopped working on laundry in the interim, so I need to get on it. While I'm shoving clothes in the washer, Max meanders over to me, bowl of ice cream in hand and we have the following conversation:
Max: Mom, can I have a BB gun?
Me: No.
Max: But WHHHHYYYYYYYY?
Me: Because.
Max: Because I'm not old enough?
Me: Sure.
Max: But Andrew and Ian (his cousins) have BB guns and Andrew is YOUNGER than me.
Me: I don't really care. They have issues.
Max: But, what do you even DO with a BB gun?
Me: I don't know.
Max: Shoot things?
Me: Yeah, I guess.
Max: (pause) Can you shoot your eye out?
Me: Yes.
Max: (ponders this) How?
Me: I really don't know.
Max: Huh. (walks away)

Vacation? Yeah.
Changing my perfectly planned out plans? Ok.
Mother's guilt? Fine.