About Me

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I blog. I also mother, wife, create, preserve, recycle, cook, act, quilt, exercise, laugh, write, lolligag, work, volunteer, sing, and sometimes sleep.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Stuff You Don't Do

You don't take away a 6 year old's bed and bedroom to make room for a new baby, and tell her that she isn't at your house often enough to deserve her own room...then make her sleep on the couch and keep her clothes in cardboard drawers in the closet.

You don't print out a private picture and spitefully do as much damage with it as you can to a person's reputation...especially when you had no moral objection to what is happening in the picture in general...you just know that it will hurt the person you want to hurt.

You don't tell a child with a broken leg who is sitting on her own, reading a book, that she had better not expect any special privileges.

You don't stop talking to a person who you have always had a perfectly functional and pleasant work relationship with because she wears a t-shirt you disagree with.

You don't ask a child lie about what is happening so that you don't get in trouble.

You don't go to a person's house and accuse them of being bad at their religion because you don't like the way you hear they might be acting.

You don't spend an hour yelling at someone about how awful they are then turn around and tell people how close you feel to them now.

I'm a pretty easygoing girl.  I don't like to think of myself as someone who holds grudges...but the last few years I've been letting some things fester.  Some things are things that happened to me as a child, that I find difficult to let go, especially as I recognize more and more how damaging they were...somethings are things that have been done to me in the last 3 years, and which I have allowed to affect me more than I should.  I've let these things affect my mood, my decisions, my ability to enjoy life.  I wish it were as easy as just saying I'm ready to let go.  I WANT to let go.  I don't want to hold on to these negative memories and events and let them continue to have power over me.  But it's not as simple as believing in some facebook meme self love paragraph superimposed on a picture of a sunset.  Or, at least, if it is...it isn't for me.

Intellectually I understand that these events were wrong and the people doing them were wrong.  In some cases, I truly believe the people involved may have a mental defect causing them to act that way, which is even more reason to not allow their words to carry weight.  Over the last 10 years, I've learned that through writing I'm able to work through a lot of my issues.  I'm hoping this here is one of those times.