WTF, day?

Ok, I know it's been awhile, but eh.  If I spend time explaining what has kept me from writing, I'll be too tired to actually write, so let's sum up with "life happened". 

I just came home to a baggie of dog poop sitting in my driveway, centered right on the line between the sidewalk and the driveway...a little pink baggie -tied neatly at the top...of shit.  Now, rather than take it as a personal attack or a sign of the demise of society at large, as was my initial desire...I decided to decide it was an accident or oversight, picked it up and threw it away.  Frankly, I'd had my fill of insane conspiracy theories at the school Title One meeting I attended this morning, and after over an hour of watching the poor principal and coordinator try to fend off attacks by parents too stupid to know what to do with the tiny bit of information they have, and the tiny fraction of that they understand...I wasn't ready to declare this bag of poo as war on my house.  Even though it was so neatly centered, it seems impossible that it just tumbled accidentally there, I made the decision to let it go. 

Not 1 minute after I entered the house, Jehovah's Witnesses came to the door.  My desk is situated such that generally, when people come to the door, I can freeze and then avoid being seen and thus avoid answering the door completely, but I wasn't REALLY in the mood to ignore people anymore.  Oh, poor JWs. 

I opened the door to the very nice looking African American and Causasian lady, mentally checking "pretend you don't speak Spanish" off my list of how I usually get rid of these folks...and contemplated my options.  I've done the "we're Jewish" route...I've done the "listen until they are done talking, take the watchtower, thank them and tell them I'll think about it" route, I've even done the "No thank you, we worship satan...slam door" route, when I'm feeling particularly feisty.  What would it be today?  (rubs hands together gleefully)

The lovely African American lady is the talker...and she starts off with the "Hi, so sorry to bother you, I know we weren't expected right now, I'm sure you're busy" spiel, and I'm still thinking..."do we worship Satan today?" She starts to pull her watchtower out of her bag, saying that they wanted to talk to me today about some very important things...and I decide I'm too bushed (bushed?  really?  that's a word?  Wait, no...I don't think it is.  Beat?  I'm too beat.  Yes, that sounds better) to let this go any farther, so I interrupt her, with my most pleasant, smiley face and say "Oh, you know what?  Thank you SO MUCH for coming by, but we're just not interested."  Keep it simple, right?  Her face hardens a little and she says "No?  Well, are you interested in a little word called ARMAGEDDON?"  I blink a couple of times, contemplating my options now.  And what I land on is "Actually, we are Pagan.  We practice a nature based, goddess based religion.  We're comfortable with it, and we are, in fact, not worried about Armageddon."  Her turn to blink.  I turn back and forth, ping pong style, to both of them with my very best Stepford Wife face, wondering where it might go from here.  (To be fair, we don't "practice" anything...our families are Jewish and Catholic and new agey bohemian and we're identified spiritual Agnostics with Pagan leanings...HEY!  Maybe I should have said THAT!) 

Caucasian lady says, smiling:  "I saw you walk up the path."  I smile, still Stepford Wife style, wondering where this is going.  I notice the watchtower is being tucked back into the bag of the other one. She continues "And I see you made quilts?  Your van says something about quilting." I continue to smile and say, "yes, I do make quilts."  She asks if I crochet them, and I explain that no, they are sewn.  She asks if it's like "on the tv, with the patches and things" and I say yes.  I'm still completely unsure of where this is going.  African American lady says that her grandma used to be a quilter, and how much do I charge for a queen sized quilt...and all of a sudden I realize that they have DROPPED my salvation!  I am officially off the hook!  I chat with them for a few minutes, answering their questions about whether or not I'm in a Quilt Guild (no), how the business is going (just fine), and if I like my kids' school (yes)...and then they thank me and they leave. 

I headed back into the house, my mind swirling about the events of the last 3 hours, wondering how religious zealots can be so lovely, and neighbors so inconsiderate/absentminded, and fellow parents so horribly WRONG...and I have no real conclusions.  The world is a funny place.  And it's not even noon yet.