Just Do Something

For anyone not paying attention, I've spent the last 2 years as president of the PTA at my kid's public school in Los Angeles.  Before that, I held no title for a year (although ran a few committees)...before that, I was VP and before that, I was persona non grata.  My daughter "graduates" 5th grade from this school tomorrow, hailed by her teacher as the "best writer" he has ever taught.  When I took on the presidency (was begged to take on the presidency), I didn't think it would be all that different from all the work I was already doing for the school.  I was in charge of multiple committees, had practically single handedly managed to raise the money we needed on more than one occasion and without a lot of gratitude.  Now, with a supportive and wonderful group of folks on the board, all of whom wanted me to be there, I honestly thought it would just be a title, one that wouldn't change very much about my relationship with the school.  Boy, was I off.

PTA president is the kind of thing I was born to do. I function best as a benevolent dictator.  It's what made me a fantastic RA in the dorms at UCLA, it's what made me a great teacher, it's what makes me a good mom.  A lifetime of service was already par, thanks to all my work at the Y.  Volunteerism is second nature to me, there has never been a time in my adult life where I haven't been a volunteer for SOMETHING, even when I worked full time.  Being responsible for the PTA at this school that was educating both of my children for free, the school that I wanted them to attend, and knowing full well from my exposure to parochial schools, private schools, magnet schools, public schools in bad neighborhoods, and public schools in good neighborhoods, that the difference between a good school and a great school is the level of parental involvement at that school, meant that it was now on me.  All of a sudden, being president meant that it wasn't just on me to HELP.  It was on me to LEAD.  Because of my personal need to do a good job, this meant it wasn't enough for me to keep the school going the way it had been going (which was fine), I needed to raise the bar.  Raise the expectation of what parents should do, what they owe to the school, and to do it all diplomatically and in such a way that it would continue on without me there.  I've railed against leaders of programs whose method of leading is to just do everything themselves, leaving no structure for their eventual absence.  I would not do the same thing, but DAMN that takes effort.

My tenure is over.  I've served 2 terms, which is the limit and I'm happy to be moving on and passing on the reigns to a group of exceptionally talented, dedicated, and capable folks.  I'm thrilled to be able to do it while I will still be at the school, helping for the next 2 years as their adviser, to support them in any way I can.  I'm proud of my accomplishments, and can hold my head up high, knowing that what I've done has been for good.

I was stopped randomly on the yard after school today by 2 parents who occasionally help out with the PTA.  They both wanted to thank me for the work I've put in to the school, and also apologize for not being able to "do more".  I thanked them profusely for the appreciation and told them what I very firmly believe, and that is that every little bit helps.  Any time one is given the opportunity and chooses to serve for the common good, THAT is winning.  It's true that I've done a lot for the school in the time we've been there (and we've got 2 more years to go) but there is no way I would have been successful without the incredible team of people who help, in whatever way they can, over the course of the year.  I am proud to say we surpassed our fundraising goal this year, bringing our total to over 5 TIMES the goal in place when Magnolia started kindergarten at this school 6 years ago.  And while me venting on FB about what one parent said or another parent did or did not do is great for public amusement, I have to say, in all seriousness, I am humbled and honored to have had the opportunity and the skills needed to help where help was needed.

Everyone should do something.  Everyone should help for the sake of helping...in whatever way it works for you, there are SO MANY ways to do it.  I don't care if you have children or not, if it's for a school or not, whatever you can do to help humanity in whatever way, big or small, please, DO IT.

Just Take the Damn Compliment

When I was 13, I was sent to Weight Watcher's camp by my well meaning mother.  Whose idea was that? I don't know, but I do know that I'd been the butt of fat jokes since the 3rd grade, and I was starting a new school...not just a regular new school, but a non-parochial...wait for it...PUBLIC school.  And whether it was my mom's plan or mine, this little 5'4" teen, topping the scales at 142 pounds (I'd kill to weigh that today) needed to lose weight, so off to fat camp I went.

I have a lot of memories from those 4 weeks in the mountains of Carpinteria, near Santa Barbara...taking horribly tempting walks past acres of avocado farms; singing "Time after Time" in the talent show; doing morning calisthenics; dealing with the tennis coach, who, upon hearing that my family was from Nicaragua, called me a fascist for reasons I still don't completely understand (which earned me a chance to talk to my parents, as an official phone call had to be made); putting mustard on EVERYTHING, as it was the only condiment we were allowed as much of as we wanted; my first "real" kiss (EW!), followed by several weeks of much less gross, but much more chapped lip inducing chaste kisses by my first real beau, Jeff...and compliment class.

I'm sure it wasn't called compliment class.  It was probably self esteem class or be nice to yourself class or something more appropriately titled, but here I am, almost 30 years later...and I remember.  We had to take a class to learn how to take a compliment.  As the quintessential "fat kids" we were good at self deprecating, good at deflecting attention, good at not being noticed...we weren't very good at taking a compliment.  And I have to admit, the folks over at WW were brilliant in this regard.  To this day, I remember being in that room and having us having to walk around, give each other compliments, and being required to say back "Thank you.".  Sincerely, genuinely and with eye contact.  It was explained to us that when we didn't do that, it was, in a way, insulting the person giving the compliment.  It was saying "Listen, I know you just gave me your opinion, but your opinion sucks."  Whether it was changing the response to  "That's a nice dress!" from "This old thing?" or "This?  Ugh!"  to "Thank you!  I've had it forever, I'm glad it has held up." but changing our fat kid, people pleasing, self deprecating selves to accept that not only were we worth of taking the compliment, but not doing so was actually being mean to the person giving you the compliment.  And that has stuck.  Not that it is easy, mind you.  There are plenty of times I WANT to respond with snark and sarcasm and self deprecation.  Let's face it, it's what I do.  But goodness, imagine if we ALL took that class.  And every time we got a compliment, instead of dismissing it, we TOOK it.  And were grateful for it, and showed our gratitude, and even more incredibly, BELIEVED it.

I was at the doctor's today and the woman in front of me was being checked in and she said to the receptionist..."I love your nail polish!" and the receptionist looked at her nails and said "Oh, they're disgusting right now, I haven't had time to go get them done."  And I thought, dude.  That's one skinny girl who would benefit from going to fat camp.

Once in a while, I get on my loved ones and MAKE them take the compliment.  I LOVE to compliment people, and I will often give them a hard time for not taking them from me.  I also (now) love getting compliments.  I need to get better at remembering those at least somewhat more weighted than the insults...and so sometimes I write them down, even though it feels narcissistic...I know if I weren't to do so, I'd forget.  It's amazing what a gift they can be.