Speechless

So the problem with not talking is that I then think too much.

I have had laryngitis since Sunday. Mainly due to the rocking turnout and comraderie at the boutique (pictures to follow) when I had a slight cold. The problem is, the performance for my Musical Theater class is Thursday. So basically, I have stopped talking, and am doing all the things singers are supposed to do to fix their voice. It is Wednesday now...and I can speak again, but I still can't sing. So I remain as silent as possible until tomorrow.

The issue? I am waaaaaay to far inside my own head. I am not a friend to myself. Self doubt, paranoia, basic insanity...it all just frolicks around my headspace until it spurts out. And when it spurts out, it isn't pretty.

I helped a friend last night (online, no talking) with a problem I have to some degree suffered from and still suffer from...but have no solution to. That is super frustrating. I am a helper. I am a fixer. But this situation is unfixable. I hate that. And because I am stuck inside my head right now, without my usual arsenal of folks to bounce things off of, I am taking everything personally. Everything.

Breaking it down, I am worried about not being able to sing right tomorrow, I am coming down off a post boutique high and headed into the high pressure Winter Camp prep (never mind the holidays), I am trying to be supportive as Michael busts his cute little booty even more than usual (yes, that is possible) to finish up deadlines so we can bill people before the year ends, and with all of this, I cannot speak. Fabulous.