Hide of a Rhino

Ethel Barrymore once said - "For an actress to be a success she must have the face of Venus, the brains of Minerva, the grace of Terpsichore, the memory of Macaulay, the figure of Juno, and the hide of a rhinoceros." I have none of these things.

Ok, well, let's break it down.

The face of Venus.
I get told a lot that I have "a pretty face" which, for those of you not in the know, is code for reminding me I do not have the figure of Juno. Now, whether or not said face is equivalent to Venus, I don't know. I like to think I have happier eyes than Botticelli's version. All of Botticelli's women look morose in person. But in the business of acting, having my face combined with my figure, well, it makes casting me hard. "Zaftig" girls (again, with the code) are supposed to be unattractive. I am (modesty aside) not unattractive. Not at least when I make the effort not to be. Wow, lots of negatives there but I think I got my point across. There isn't a lot I can do about the face...it's just there. In terms of acting though, it'd probably be better if I had a more "interesting" (again, code) face.

The brains of Minerva. Well, I'm no Harvard grad, but I like to think of myself as a decently smart cookie. When it comes to acting, I'm certainly in the know when it comes to general theater knowledge, acting awareness, character development, scene study, and the sorts of things you need to know to be an actor. I think of myself as a smart actor...I like having backgrounds and reasons for the choices I make, and I consider what I do when I am doing it. I know I can always learn more, and I may not have the brains of Minerva, I mean, she was born from a head and was a doctor, a war expert, a businesswoman AND the inventor of MUSIC. So it's a lot to live up to. In any case, I'm smart enough to know I could be smarter.

Let's hit the next 3 at once. Grace? Not so much. Memory? HA. Figure? Um, well, let's just say I've been the fat kid since the 3rd grade. I have a figure...but knowing full well what Ethel Barrymore meant, it's not the sort she was discussing.

The hide of a rhinocerous.

Working on it. All the time, working on it. I just got turned down for a role I've wanted to play since 12th grade. Again. In 12th grade, I got coached for several lunch periods from the director, trying to get me to be able to sing it as well as my competition. He wasn't successful, so neither was I. I will play the part one day, but next month in a production in my hometown with 5 of my friends, I will not. I moped a bit, but only within self allotted confines (I got an hour), and then moved on. So far in my "acting comeback", I've been told I'm too pretty, not big enough, and too young. Not terrible. But every time I don't get a part I audition for, it feels like a tiny failure. Silly in a profession where I won't get parts 99% of the time. Where there are 1000 actors for each part being cast. Where even if I am the best they see, they'll still cast the director's babysitter instead. I'm a little fearful about being cast in something where I get told the sort of mean things they tell people in this business. I want to be able to hear it and take it in stride, with that hide, but I know when it comes, it's going to sting. I signed with an agent 2 weeks ago and she told me not to lose weight. I got less competition in my size bracket, you see. But I have to take these things as tiny stings flung from well meaning bows...they won't actually injure me, they'll only annoy until I pluck them out and throw them away.

If I could learn to have this tough skin in my acting life, maybe then I could bring it to my regular life, where an angry email from one friend upset with something I said off the cuff put me in a bummed out, crappy mood for days. Where someone else's off the cuff statement about me can make me second guess all my choices. Where the kids consistently not wanting to eat my cooking makes it so I don't want to cook anymore. Then, after that is solved, I can work on that pesky world peace problem.