Yeah. I'm so brave.

When I wrote my last blog entry, I wasn't sure if I was ready to share with the world. Writing on my blog still feels very insular. If I do nothing but post on my blog, I get at most 10 views. The difference comes if I share it with my Facebook family. Then the view counts usually hits triple digits, and I know people are reading and see it. I posted my blog the day I wrote it, but I didn't share it on Facebook for almost a full week.

I don't know what pushed me over the edge to finally share it. I started off slowly with people I trusted I wasn't thrilled about all of the responses I got, but I respected all of them.

My finger hovered over that post button for sometime. I actually went about my business, getting dinner ready for my family, doing laundry...all the while vacillating as to whether or not to share it. I recognize it seems silly, considering it was already public domain, but something about sharing it on Facebook made it all that much more real. In people's faces, no turning back.

When I finally decided to hit send, it felt something like standing naked in front of all of you singing a song that none of you liked very much in a key that was terrible for my voice. In other words, somewhat humiliating, terrifying, and as vulnerable as someone could be. The slew of beautiful words that followed my post on my private page, alongside private messages that were heartfelt, loving, and supportive should certainly have made the experience feel worthwhile. Unfortunately, that's not necessarily how it works. I still feel naked, I'm still singing that song. I'm certainly unsure of anyone wanting to clean those wounds. After all, it still hurts. And I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do, but it didn't make it any easier.

Several times I heard the words "we should talk about this more" and it occurred to me that all of this was somewhat similar to my lifelong decision to identify as someone who is bisexual. Certainly, married to a man, with children, there is no need to identify myself as anything but a card-carrying breeder. Former PTA president, Baseball and softball mom, minvan-driving straight person. However, I choose to be very vocal and open about it because I feel that if everyone who felt the way I feel did as I do, maybe the world would be a better place. And it is in that connection that I reach my first place of peace with having shared this very personal information with everyone I know.

I really hope those wounds heal soon. But, sometimes, medicine is not easy to take.